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As I lay in bed, I can feel his hand moving towards mine; his breath relaxes when our fingers interlock. Interestingly, we don’t hold hands in public. The constant need of showing affection is not what I believe a relationship should be. We agree on something. However, we couldn’t be more different. He likes the sun; I like the moon. He likes the ocean; I live for the concrete. I like Diet Coke; he drinks only water. When he wakes up, I’m still sleeping. When I go to bed, he holds my hand. With our fingers locked, I know we are ok. Love is still there; our mutual admiration continues to thrive. Still, it’s a battle to be with someone every day. We fight as antagonists of one another. We discuss most of the time, for the most illogical reasons. The garbage I refuse to put outside; the iPhone screen he gazes when I am talking with him. The little things we try to be better at, but we keep failing to do so. I pass by the trash, “I can do it later” until the bin is full. Wait, I’ll take the trash. His anxiousness says I won’t. When I get home, the trash bag is by the door. He leaves there to remind me of my reluctance. I take the trash bag to the recycle bin – “if he brings to the door, he can take it outside” – this is not his responsibility, it is mine. I ask him not to leave the trash bag by the door. Please. He asks me to repeat what I just said. I sit at the table and grab my phone. Leave me alone. He drops his phone and sits opposite of me. Look at me. I pretend he is not there. I ask, “Do you have something to say now?” He speaks for 10 minutes. In the end, we’re laughing at the stupidity of our life. Every night when he holds my hand, I revive the detail of our relationship. The longer we sustain each other, the more I observe how our love progresses; how much love is mutable. I want to know the person I live with and who I live for; discover the nuances I still don’t know: in his body, in his being. We are constantly laughing; he makes me laugh. We teach one another how to be better. We believe in us. I don’t need to show he is with me; I don’t need gifts; I don’t need to hear him say, “I love you.” He touches my hand under the sheets for five minutes or less, and I don’t need anything else.

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Biking

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he does’t know what freedom means – the abstract feeling of being free. Only a few know what that is, hence, most people have no idea the kind of imprisonment they live in. That’s not his case. He has the knowledge of it, he just can’t find a way to unbind himself. So, he bikes to work everyday. It unwinds his mind, while getting him ready to face his pathetic life. He lives in Los Angeles, a city where finding a form of unwinding should be mandatory. The moment you walk through the city’s gate, a big sign should be posted, “Danger! You might loose your mind beyond this point”. The ritual of going through traffic everyday is excruciating, plus the obnoxiousness of people trying to be something they will never be frightens him. Venice Boulevard makes the way as he cruises on his bike, giving him a rational illusion of the so called freedom.

[Teenager Morning Anger] is his favorite 90’s Rock playlist. It sets the mood for the journey, helping with the road’s hurdles.  Nothing more symbolic than the 90’s to release one’s anger . It is not easy to bike through drivers wanting to run you over simply because their frustration needs a reason to exist. He tries to be compassionate, but when his life gets in danger, he just flip a bird. With his hand high in the blue sky, he doesn’t looking back – and how good is that. But today something is different. Going through the extence music library, he chooses the uplifting [Pop that Heart]. In each pedal strike, he smiles a bit more. It’s not just the endorphins of a sunny day, he is in LA where everyday is the same. He doesn’t even look at the cars and their drivers, he doesn’t notice what it’s in front of him, the stress passes through his bike without hitting on him. He simply smiles without a reason, and even sings along with the bubbly song. There’s nothing without a reason though.

He’s never been much of a romantic person, even though he always cries in romantic movies. One of those incredible contradictions that forms an authentic personality. “and everything went from wrong to right” says the song, and now he understands. He has been seeing this guy for quite a while, and it has been good for him. Lonely people often don’t understand the necessity of sharing their solitude. They want all for themselves. There’s absolutely no expectations for him. Today, unnoticed for a moment, he chooses to see the world differently. He chooses to love. No fear of being heartbroken, he embraces his way for something unexpected. With his bike, he feels free.